LDR-to-be

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I can hear my heart shatters into pieces when you said you're going. No, you're not going away from my life, but you're leaving me.

I know it's for the best. I know this is not the end. God, i hope not. You're going back to your hometown. For business purpose. For future purpose. You're leaving me here.

I know it's for the best. I do.

But why does this heart keep telling you not to go? Why is living without you in my arms, without kisses of love from you, without the warm hugs of comfort seems so scary ahead? What if when you go, those kisses and hugs in the past were the very last one?

I'm afraid, very. What if you leaving me means you leaving me forever and not coming back? What if when you leave me, your heart follows?

Who am i going to say good morning to? Who am i going to ask to come to my house and go dinner with me? Who am i going to cry on when office is giving me a lot of pressure? Who am i going to cry on, when problems are staying in my life?

Now all i was left is your love, your heart, and my own trust and belief that everything would be okay. All i have to do now, is try to believe that, you and I will still have future ahead. I have to, because i want it that way. But it's just not that simple, you know that. Those negative thoughts, the demons in my head. It keeps haunting me. It keeps poisoning me with words, with thoughts that sooner or later, would kill me from inside.

Long distance relationship is something a naive person would do, i would say. They all believe that one day, it would work out in the end. And we all know that only 1 or 2 couples out of 10 would overcome it. This is why long distance relationships is not for everyone. Because it's just that hard. It's not for the weak. It's for the believers, and trust me, i wanna be one of them. For us, for myself. For this. This relationship that i'm having.

I wanna try this. I wanna try it with you. Because you mean so much to me. I love you. And i want to do this and go through this with you.

I used to think God is so unfair to us, because we were still tasting the sweet moments of our new relationship, and yet we have to be apart. Why does it have to be us? Why not other couples? Why do other couples have it so easy? God is so unfair.

But then again, it's not God to blame. And better yet, maybe this is just an obstacle and a test from God to us, so that we can build our trust and loyalty even deeper. Maybe after this, we will have a very strong foundation of relationship, and nothing will shake us later on in the future. We will fear nothing, and we will overcome every problems easily because, we had overcome the hardest test of all, from God.

So i am asking you and i am begging you. Please go through this with me. Please believe in me and be loyal to me, like i will do to you. Please love me unconditionally, even though we can only see each others through a computer screen. Please take care of me like i will take care of you, even though we can only take care of each others through texts.

And God i beg you. 

I pray for you. I wanna make this work. I give all of my fate and my destiny for you to decide. I don't know what You had planned for me in the future, but for all i know, You had showed me that he's the best, for now, and i hope forever. So please God, i beg of You. If he's the one, let us be together till the end of time. If he's the one, please bless our long distance relationship. And if he's the one, please lighten our paths so that we can go through this easier.

I don't know how long this will going to be, but please, i don't care how long. As long as we are strong enough to go through this, i want to. And i will fight for it till he's forever mine.

I like missing you so hard because it makes me feel strongly that you are not a dream, you are real, you are living, and I’ll meet you again.
-Simone de Beauvoir

Credits to picture and quote : x


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2 comments:

  1. Aww. :(

    For being 6 thousand miles apart and with 6 hours time gap, it's an every day struggle with my feelings, missing him hold me, kiss me, walk with me, talk to me face to face. And all I have is keeping what he said and myself alone.

    I hope everything will work for you, fight hunnie. Always pray and we'll get through this. Aja! Kisses!

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    1. aww you're doing a long distance relationship too? :C

      yeah we can do nothing except trusting him fully and communicate whenever is possible. i hope you're still going strong, if not, i will always be here for you! i will cheer you up and keep you going, cause i know just exactly how it feels.

      yes! lets pray and fight together hun <3 xx

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