being bored is one of the reasons i still write bullshits in this blog. not that i dont wanna keep i alive, it's just that i don't know how. i've tried to update with my creations and stuffs but it seems like it makes my blog look even more boring. hah.

my life's are all about icang and blackberry now. if it's not with icang, then i'm with my blackberry. lately i've kinda fight with him a lot which causes some stress, but after talking to each other we're okay again. this guy is really amazing, i really hope we can last longer than i've ever dreamt of. :)

my college is improving! surprisingly, i thought i procrastinate a lot and my assignments are all done at the last second. but it turns out good. i have a lot of 80s which is very cool cause my assignments on last semester never had such good score, and it amazes me. i think it's about my psychology effect too. I am happy, therefore i will have good spirit to do assignments and therefore i will have good marks.

tagboard are getting me annoyed. spammers are fucking spamming my tagboard like people care and i am tired of erasing it. so i will let it be, and maybe, just maybe. i will put it down anytime soon.

mom and bros are having a better life there after they move. mom says new house is smaller, but i heard that mom teaches tuition on a new place at pelantar and i think that's good cause pelantar is full of chinese who are enthusiastic to learn mandarin. i hope so. and bros are getting better too! last time he said he had a crush and he's texting her omg that makes me so happy to hear it because like finally, he likes someone. good for you brroooo <3 <3 <3 <3

i still feel paranoid and my self confidence issues still bugs me. sometimes when i see icang talking or hanging out with other girls i still feel a little down cause imma feel like "damn this girl is hot and i am like whatever. how come icang never notice that and still wanna be with me" and imma be like sad the whole day or whatever. he always help me and say that i'm pretty and such but i know that is just well, comforting. i am not beautiful and i think i will never feel i'm pretty. i want to have some confidence in myself so that i don't have to be so annoying and awkward when it comes to stranger but hey, i've been in bad times before, i have my own traumatic moments when i was in middle school and that is not easy to get rid of. you think i don't want to get rid of it? then you're hella wrong. you just dont know how much it hurts me inside, knowing that i'm ugly and i will never feel that i'm good enough for anyone.

some people are just selfish. they just can't seem to understand all this stuffs because they never feel it. they always thought that all this stuffs is another way to get attention from people but they are just wrong. different people different problems. and mine coincidencely is this. i want to get rid of it, but i dont know how.

and i think it never will be gotten rid of.

This is for my photography exam.
We were told to take a picture themed "resah" or in English, worry.
Thanks to Moiika, my semata wayang sister ;)


This is for Typography.
We were told to make a typography using Comic Sans MS.
And this is my final result.



It's been 62 days since the day that i officially be his one and only. I know all the things i'm gonna say later on gonna sound very mushy and shit for a two month relationship, but this is all what i feel right now, and i am not ashamed to tell it all out so that the world know just how much i love this guy.

He came to me as my friend, the friend who are always there for me and willing to help me whenever i am sad or need him, although i am just one of his ordinary friend. Two months of being nice friends and all, i had to go back to my hometown to celebrate chinese new year. That time where we knew we are going to be separated hurts a little part of our heart but none confessed, cause you know, maybe it's just this feeling where we have to be separated with our close friends. No big deal. But as time passes by, this feeling, where days without his presence disturbs me very much. I feel like, without him, lots of colour in my life just dissapear. There are no sweetness in my life anymore, although he was just a friend. And i know, he felt that too, regarding how much he says he misses me. Then i know, this was not just about a simple close friends relationship.

It's love. And i know, i need him. I still don't know yet if he's the one, but with all the common things that we had (the mole on the left eyebrow, family background, taste of music and our super strong chemistry) i assume he is one. He HAS to be one! And there we go, trying our luck on each other, hoping that we really are made for each other.





So far i've had the best two months of my life with him. He is super caring, super romantic, super loving, and he'd do anything for me, just to make me happy. He blame himself so much if he accidentally smack me or whatever, which doesn't hurt me at all. And everytime he does that, i kiss him on the cheek saying it's okay, and although i do get hurt, just by seeing his smile or his face lightens up almost my full life already.

He accepts me for who i am. For what i am, myself. My awkwardness, my insecurity, my self confidence issues, everything. Never been a problem to him, in fact, he says he fall in love with all of that, and that is so sweet :')

Seeing him sound asleep right now gives uncountable happiness for me. I love him for what he is, and i won't trade him for anything in this world; even money golds and other shits, cause i want him and only him. :')

I love you my bear my chow my silly boy, Stefanus Ivan Cahyadi. <3

A silhouette with ellipse frame of me and Icang. Frame source : x


A picture of me with cellophane and trianglessss cause i love triangles.


I don't really know what this is.


Neither is this. But it'll make a good profile picture or avatar.

And last..
A wiggly panda.


Have a good day everyone.

I copied the tutorial on pxleyes. It worked. But some of it is confusing, so i didn't completely follow the instructions :S
"1 ruthless crime lord, 20 elite cops, 30 floors of hell."

Last night i watched this indonesian movie called The Raid. It's about a team of SWAT entering an apartment full of drug dealers and killers. The "king" above all the bad guys is on 15th floor, and they have to go upstairs by stairs and they have to go through lots of bad guys to face the crime lord. Lots of actions happening and killing and blood. And since it's an Indonesian movie, they include pencak silat in it. For me, it is by far the greatest movie made in Indonesia ever.

They also include a lil bit of drama inside too, like how there are this one police whose brother is actually one of those bad guys, and how he wants his bad brother to come home with him, and how his bad brother wants him to go out of that apartment safely.

There are also this one bad guy killer which is an Ambon or Flores kind of person, and he talks with his Ambon accent on the movie. All the cinema people cracked up when he's talking, and that's funny xD He tries to look like a bad guys but his face was the nice kind of face :S

I really recommend this for you guys to watch, if you guys are the type of person that likes to watch movies with lots of fighting, guarantee satisfied. :D

Icang last night rided his new Byson bike to fetch me on Meli's dorm. It's fucking fine lah man. Cause it's Byson, and it's gold.

I have been very busy with my assignments, lately there has been a lot of making name cards and envelope and stuffs, and i got to make my own company profile, and i am also learning lots of printing technique, like hot print, spot UV etc. Learning is tough, since you have to remember lots of new names and stuff, but overall i think it's very fun, especially when you know how to mess around with illustrator and photoshop, making lots of new arts and designs. I feel like i learn so so much studying in designs. Good thing i am enjoying all this :)

I have been messing around with my camera too, doing photography, and having photoshoot in a studio with my friends as a model.


Kei being awesome as a model.

And here are a few of screenshots about my assignments.




It takes just a little time to make all this, but to think of an inspiration to make all these takes like, forever. Especially when you're feeling down or pressured, those idea just won't come out.
days with icang has been very happy for me. he took care of me soo well T_T i don't even know what is the reason for him being so caring towards me. i mean look at me. what am i, right? but on the other hand i just don't want him to let go of me, i need somebody to hold onto. and i want him to be that somebody. :')

shit why am i being so mushy uurrgh

college is making me tirreeddd i feel like wanna just wake up from my bed, eat, go back to bed and just be fat whatsoever. but society forbids me to do that fuck society. my religion, somehow somewhat, is giving me a problem. i don't wish to talk about it soooo

ahh i miss home. i wanna bring icang back to my hometown and show him lots of lots of good food there aaahhh

btw i have been meaning to tell you guys about my one abnormal guilty pleasure. i have a thing for sexy girls and pretty girls and everytime i look at them i will go like "woaah". it's that even normal, i mean i am a girl 0___o

i literally drooled when watching these two hot chicks dance :



beware hot chicks out there i know you must be freaking out right now. FYI, a type of girl like me is not only one out there, but tons. let alone lesbians. so not only guys gonna check you out, okay.

okay i sound very creepy just now.

P.S : current fav sonnnggg timeeee


"you know why i'm gonna be yours tonight. we're gonna oooooaaaaahhh"