"im sick and tired of being sick and tired"


being bored is one of the reasons i still write bullshits in this blog. not that i dont wanna keep i alive, it's just that i don't know how. i've tried to update with my creations and stuffs but it seems like it makes my blog look even more boring. hah.

my life's are all about icang and blackberry now. if it's not with icang, then i'm with my blackberry. lately i've kinda fight with him a lot which causes some stress, but after talking to each other we're okay again. this guy is really amazing, i really hope we can last longer than i've ever dreamt of. :)

my college is improving! surprisingly, i thought i procrastinate a lot and my assignments are all done at the last second. but it turns out good. i have a lot of 80s which is very cool cause my assignments on last semester never had such good score, and it amazes me. i think it's about my psychology effect too. I am happy, therefore i will have good spirit to do assignments and therefore i will have good marks.

tagboard are getting me annoyed. spammers are fucking spamming my tagboard like people care and i am tired of erasing it. so i will let it be, and maybe, just maybe. i will put it down anytime soon.

mom and bros are having a better life there after they move. mom says new house is smaller, but i heard that mom teaches tuition on a new place at pelantar and i think that's good cause pelantar is full of chinese who are enthusiastic to learn mandarin. i hope so. and bros are getting better too! last time he said he had a crush and he's texting her omg that makes me so happy to hear it because like finally, he likes someone. good for you brroooo <3 <3 <3 <3

i still feel paranoid and my self confidence issues still bugs me. sometimes when i see icang talking or hanging out with other girls i still feel a little down cause imma feel like "damn this girl is hot and i am like whatever. how come icang never notice that and still wanna be with me" and imma be like sad the whole day or whatever. he always help me and say that i'm pretty and such but i know that is just well, comforting. i am not beautiful and i think i will never feel i'm pretty. i want to have some confidence in myself so that i don't have to be so annoying and awkward when it comes to stranger but hey, i've been in bad times before, i have my own traumatic moments when i was in middle school and that is not easy to get rid of. you think i don't want to get rid of it? then you're hella wrong. you just dont know how much it hurts me inside, knowing that i'm ugly and i will never feel that i'm good enough for anyone.

some people are just selfish. they just can't seem to understand all this stuffs because they never feel it. they always thought that all this stuffs is another way to get attention from people but they are just wrong. different people different problems. and mine coincidencely is this. i want to get rid of it, but i dont know how.

and i think it never will be gotten rid of.

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  1. you just have to believe that you are the best. thats it. believe. have a lil faith in yourself. no one can change it for you

  2. i get what you mean. totally.