Maybe i don't belong here after all


Mom is feeling better. But she's going to Malaysia this 13 January for a check up and i can't help but feeling happy cause, like, finally, she's willing to go see a doctor and finally, i get to hang out with my moeslim friends. I mean all this time, at this living prison, she never let me hang out with my moeslim friends. And i hate that.

If you want me to be honest, i never get happy whenever i go back to my hometown. You can see how sad and miserable my blog posts are all this time whenever i fly back home. Why? Because my family sucks. Never been suckier. I got an ignorant brother. And he never cares a shit to anything, except for his games and his shit. He never gives a fuck to the family or his school which makes everything worse. Let alone mom. I don't have to say, this family sucks the most because of her. Her and her uncontrollably temper, her selfishness, her negative thinking, everything. Everything that sucks comes from her. Everything seems to be a problem to her. And she never sees a bright side of a thing, not even a thing. And whenever someone makes a good thing or impressive thing, she doesn't even praise or gives reward. She just, well. Move on. And keep thinking about everything that is wrong to her. And accuse us. And scold at us. And swear at us.

I hate my family. I hate everything here. I hate my hometown. I hate my friends here. I hate my school. I hate my childhood. I hate the society. The cruel competitive society. Everyone seems to be so competitive, on reputation. So obssesive. Everyone wants themselves to be number one here, no matter how much they change their personality or fashion just to fit in. I hate it. I hate it so much. And people here, are as kepo as shit. Whenever someone sucks or does bad at something, they gossip like crazy, and by the time you realize it everyone here knows you did bad things. Those filthy mouth. Sins.

The hard work, and the hard pressure. Everything makes me so sick, makes me wanna run away from this shitty place as far as i can be.

I hate this place. I hate this world. This.. fake, full of hypocrites world.

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  1. Aww you poor thing! Sorry to hear life is giving you lemons right now. Sh*t happens and whenever it does, it feels the world is turning back on you. I go through all those too sometimes and it always get me thinking if there's any good left in this world.

    But you'll live through it and it'll make you stronger than ever.

    Just a question though, why doesn't your mom let you hang out with your Moslem friends?

  2. sorry about the weird tweet i sent you. i was reading this post and i did it on impulse :< and the picture got me as well ¬_¬ Oh Susan, just work hard and enjoy what you're doing now ok? :)

  3. "Whenever someone sucks or does bad at something, they gossip like crazy, and by the time you realize it everyone here knows you did bad things. Those filthy mouths."

    Totally agree with this.

  4. I've felt like that, I still do sometimes. Not about my family much, really, I can't be a liar and tell you they are the worst thing yet they're not the best either.

    I just feel like I don't belong here, I've felt this way for a long time and it doesn't go away. That's why I want to pursue my dream of living overseas.

    Sincerely, Ed

  5. oh your hometown sounds like where I live now, it's all bullshit right.
    and it's also very deeply fucked up to have a crazy family too, I know it trust me. It drives you crazy every single second and sometimes it feels like you can't handle anymore but ya it still goes on.

    Somehow I just empathize with you. Cheer up girl!