ma tête est sur le point de faire sauter


There is sooo much; too much things in my mind. I just can't keep it off my mind. Too much problems in my head, too much conversation, too much memories to keep inside my small tiny byte head. Some things are meant to keep, and some are just too difficult to say, and some just.. stay in there. Echoing. Winding.

I am already 18. And most of the people the same age as me already done a lot of successful things, and they already start their career by i don't know, start to do what they have been wanted even the smallest things, while i'm still figuring out what to do, or what should i do to pursue my dreams. I just had a conversation with my mom this morning, about career. Since this morning we visited a tailor shop, my mom talked a lot about how she earn lots of money by being a tailor. And she wants me, and my sis to cooperate with her doing any kind of business, even tailor. It would be a big success, she says, as usual. And then she asked me this question. "If i give you some money to start a business, what kind of business do you wanna do?" I stunned by her question, and i don't know what to answer, since that kind of question never crossed my mind. I never thought of having any business, since what i've been dreaming to do is to be a photographer; whether it's a pre-wed one or nature photographer ones. I love taking pictures, and i love to be taken pictures. That's why i only wanted to be a model, or a photographer. So i answered my mom "I wanna be a photographer, i'm not going to use that money", i said. My mom kinda irritated by my answer, and she said in her life she has never seen any successful photographer yet. I went silent by what she said, since what she said is well, i have to admit, quite true. And that makes me think for a while..

What should i do if i be a model or a photographer? Does that kind of career gonna take me far?

And i think i already know what the answer is. So...

I'm currently very confused right here. I don't know what should i do, and what to do in my life. This is all about my future, and if i have to think about it, i have to think about it now. I gonna start from now, like my sister says. But..

Maybe i just think too much? Too much that i don't dare to take a first step?

I don't know...
/le shaking hair

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