fake smile always :)


thanks for the extra 2 followers i got. i don't even know what's so great about my blog, yet people tend to follow my blog. i'm so grateful of that. currently my followers are 92. i hope it reach 100 followers when my birthday comes. :)
oh and FYI, my birthday is on 11th May and im gonna turn 18 so yeah, this could mean a lot to me.

lately i don't really have time to rest, let alone time to blog. you can see it from the time of this post. i only have spare time on midnight. and yes that of course disturbs the schedule of my sleeping time and that's not good.

i realize i'm having a lot of hard time, and this time it caused me more stress then ever.
assignments, far journey from home to campus, and yeah, including my love life's problem.
speaking of that, well.. i don't know.

i should have see that there's no more cure for my relationship. i should have given up all this memories and love. yet i can't, and i still holding it, not wanting to admit that everything is going to be over, sooner or later.

2 days ago i fight so hard that i even hurt myself. well not physically. i tire myself even more, and i don't even wanna eat. i "dim" 7 times in a row and that obviously hurts my health so much cause i have never "dim" in a long time since the last time on August or September last year. well, no asking what exactly is the "dim" word. that is and forever will be my shameful secret that i don't really wish to tell any person.

and tonight, i fight again with him.
he said i have changed. and he said i have changed because the existence of other man in my life. i mean, how could he said that?!
can't i change for myself? why can i only change when there's a new man in my life?
i mean, that's a serious accuse of him and i never will forgive that.
he had not only accuse me once, but had been a few times!
i had forgive him so many times yet he won't understand.

i really can't stand it anymore.

if this is what they called happiness and true love, if this is what people in love have to go through i rather not to fall in love nor having a relationship than have to suffer mentally like this!
my life is miserable enough already, i don't need more from him.
if he can't make me happy, then this relationship is done for!

no need to drag further more.


he always said that he wanted to change, he wanted to be more patient, more mature, and more thoughtful for me, where is the proof?
i don't even see any sign of him wanted to change for me.

i don't even know why i dated him in the first place.
i should have been more realistic. i'm too naive.
and this is what naive brings for me.

i hope after this relationship is fixed or over, i could choose decisions for my life more seriously than following my naive.


today i didn't go to college. i'm too stressed to go, and i don't wanna have that long journey to campus today.
i stayed in bed all day like a sick person.
well, in fact i quite sick myself --"

then tonight when i go online on Audition, my friends was online also and said that if i absent one more time i can't join last-term exam.
i'm doomed. first warning.

how my future gonna be, i'm not even sure now.
i have to be more responsible for my life or else i will not have a future.
ganbatte, Susan T______T

P.S : tell me where can i get advice for love life?

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  1. aww, i'm always reading about your love life susan ^^ and i'm always disappointed in your boyfriend, if he is jealous, he should do something about that person and not go hurt you D: as you didn't really do anything wrong .___. i really hope that you will be able to sort this love relationship up as i don't want you to get hurt T_T because i don't really have someone i love right now, i don't understand how you feel D: but as time goes on, you'll find someone better but for now, you'll have to find your strength to move on ^^ i'm sure you can do it susan, it might take a long time but i'm sure you'll get through this :D!! i'm sure of it!!! GOODLUCK SUSAN!!! <3 LOVE YOU! :D

  2. omg ;____;
    you should like become my second cyber BB, you care so much to me XD
    love you duckieeeeee *hugs*
    and yesh thank you for the care, im okay already :')
    but dont know what will happen next time :S

  3. ^___________^
    keke me too kitty <3 *hugs back* ;)
    okay, good to hear C:
    aww, hope something good happens :D!

  4. aaaaaaaaaw ~
    y u so nice to me T____T

    yaaay hopefully :D