trying hard to be something.


by Lmyx @ SPV.

i saw my former secondary high school classmate just now. *name censored*
she's so pretty, so flawless, and i can see that even though she didn't go college, she's a big success girl, with her dancing group, and i can see she's hanging out with most important person already.

then i saw another friend.

he is known to be very sissy. very unsuccesful. but look at him now.
great, tall, manly, i have to admit.

then i think of my other friend now. my best friend now.
she's becoming a great pretty girl that is liked by a lot of boy, plus i heard she's entering a shampoo contest in some sort of mall, idk where.

then, i look at myself.
i think.
what have i become?

a failure?

i don't have any improvements, at all, except the fact that i grew older and my wrinkles and pimples are appearing more and more due to staying up late.

why am i such a failure?

what do i even good at?
singing? nah, defintely not. my singing is as horrible as duckling screaming.
my drawing? not even close. i saw like tons of great talents drawer all over the world, and im not even close.
HTMLing? forget about it. even if im good at it. what can it helps? making skins at blogskins? do it even earn money and fame? no.

so im guessing, i dont have any talents, at all.
im still such a failure, and i dont have any talents.
my college marks not even pretty, i assume.
so i guess im nothing, ay?


first, i have to say the main reason i cant improve is that my low self - esteem.
i think that i am too low, i can't compare to others that are awesome and such.
i dont know, just think so.

second, i have this trauma that keep me not confident enough to be brave.
fuck trauma.
and if you ask what my trauma is, i better not talk about it.
it happens when i was i secondary high school.

third, ohh .. never mind, forget about it, i dont even wanna talk about it.


i have to tell myself to be strong, to be brave.
i can't be forever like this.
you surely don't want people to see you in the next 10 years and say "what? you still as before? no improvements?" do you, susan?
ah i gonna fight this time.

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  1. u not a failure.
    u do have talent. but maybe u just don't discover it yet.

    fight for it! and gain your confidence! XD

    p/s: i know how you feel. because i'm in the same situation like you. i also hope one day i can improve myself. :')

  2. You're not alone. But self esteem can be built. So built it up girl~!

  3. some people discover their moment earlier and some just discovered it a bit late.

    youre still young ! just be patient, it'll come naturally! ^^

  4. @fay : yeah, thanks ;( i always feel like that when i saw someone better than me or more success than me. it's like, compare to them im nothing.

    @neko : hard T_____T
    but thanks anyway neko ~

    @intan : i wish ;(