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images from Violent Delights


"i was stuck in the middle of the people i love the most."

this post is a bit sensitive and private to me, so yeah. i recommend you guys better not read it cos it's my business.
you ask why i post it here if i don't want people to read it? well, it's my blog. what do you wanna do if i post it here?

just now i was webcaming with him. we were happy until mom phoned me when i was webcaming. she asked me how am i doing here. and she asked my sis. well i said i am fine and sis is going out to her friends house.
then she started to ask me those question again.
"pimi or chin?"* (well, actually the real word is not pimi and chin but i have to change it because it's sensitive and maybe offending some people who read it)
and i said chin ..
then she started to say something like don't be an animal, be a good person, open your eyes wider, and don't get near those pimis and blablabla.

that time i was webcaming with him, i repeat.
and he's a pimi.
so obviously mom was saying about him, and she knew i was dating him so she said something like that.

my heart was ripped into pieces.

after mom hung up the phone i was like totally not in the mood anymore to webcaming. so he asked me what's wrong and told me to tell him what mom said. i already said i don't wanna tell him, but he insists. so i tell him all about it.
i said i can't live like this. i love him and i wanna live with him forever but not if my mom totally dissapprove it.
he said he knew this was coming and he said he'll wait for miracles to come.
i said the miracles are only 3% or less.

he was like angry and then he signed out after that.
he said he already knew i'll totally choose my mom than him.

i'm heartbroken.
why can't he understand?
i didn't choose mom, and i didn't choose him either.
i want this relationship keep on going WITH my mom's approval which is impossible!
why can't he understand?

and mom.
why can't mom get over all of the past she went through?
not all pimis are like what she imagine.
and i know she will never understand that just because of her unforgettable psat and stupid chins at pinang who always look down pimis like they're trash.

that's why i never like living in pinang.
why those chins never understand that pimis and chins are all the same?
we are all the same.
same blood, same bones, same living place.
so please don't look down on pimis, okay?
i hate it so much.

so yeah, idk now.
mom's now are very sensitive to me if i play with pimis and he's angry with me and our relationship are at risk.
great!
everything is great now.
i really wanna, just, slit my wrist and die off.
then mom and him will never bothers me with those problem anymore.


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